Compost of Emotions

I have been thinking about how I learn, how my mind works and how I get motivated and the challenges I have encountered.and what I have seen of being myself. I hope by

 by going over my  experiences I will be able to understand from where everything comes from, and how is that we can manifest things out of our own wishes and desires.

I  lived in the past  in a small town with my two  parents and seven sibblings in a province of Argentina named  Cordoba. At the age of five years old I  went to kindergarten .  a newly elementary school founded by Peron, a  first class school  built in  a very poor town was were I went to kindergarten. My teacher name Sra Grecco.my mother friend and relative .This beautiful school is curruently funtioning it has a library, lab,museum, and large many  classroms with large glass panelled windows and granite tile floors. The school had a capacity for 300 hundred students. It is the life of this small town located in a large valley sourrunded by mountains and a river that goes by. The building was erected in the middle of an old  olive grove. 

 My mother  taught  in this school for thirty five years were she reitred  with almost perfect attendance. My mother was loved and respected  by the parents and  children childrens..My mother inspired and ecouraged  parents and students to bring their families upright.

My father Luis Martinez  a self made men has been my inspiration and my strengh in  my life. 

My father at the age of seven  was orfan.His  mother die giving  birth to a baby girl whom days later the baby died. At times my father wished to have sisters and brothers  Tia Rosita an unmarried aunt and sister of his mother  brought him up. He had  fond memories of  love for her untie Rosita  About his father my father said that he was a warm and kind person. My father said that  growing up  he received a lot of love and suport from his father name was Juvencio Martinez.

Juvencio  and his brother Justo came from Spain perhaps the southern part I do not know how or when or at what age.

Juvencio Martinez , has green eyes very dark wavy hair,was a tall and thin men, an elegant person. We had  a picture of him, it shows him  a refined and elegant men. Juvencio Martinez remaried and had no children . My father was his only son. MY father grew up with relatives. Justo Martinez Married Carmen a spanish woman, they had many children. They were my father first cousins .  his oldest cousin tio Lorenzo and my father work together , they bought and gathered  pieces of iron, wires scraps , and tin cans and metals like copper, bronce, iron, etc. in junk yard for melting. This business supported the family of Justo Martinez and Carmen. Justo Martinez was a poor provider and liked to drink wine to excess. Most of Justo Martinez were able to go to school and became teachers. My father said that he and lorenzo his cousin made possible for his cousins to go to higher education. 

Manuela Guevara Father  Married a lady last name was Montiel  who was a mullato.They have many Children.   

 My father remembered his mother as  being a person  kind and worm in heart. My father said that Manuela Guevara his mother  had a wide nose and her complexion was dark. My father's grandfather, Guevara Montiel  came from Spain he had blue eyes and white skin he married a mulatto lady and had many children. He was a landowner and settled in the southern part of Cordoba, Rio Cuarto  a land good for cultivation of wheat.

The  Virgos were an Italian family  she was a teacher and apreciated my father very much for his kindness and caring ,  My father learned italian words with them and talked about the Ponte Vechio .To  us his children  he will count in Italian up to ten. and sing a few lines of well known italian songs. He understood italian people. My father use to talk about the Virgo as if he has lived  with them for some time when  a young boy. it seems that  they were a family close to my father family. The Virgo have children of their own. The Virgo called him Luishy.   I do not know in which was his guard or in chich care  he was under when he attended school, maybe his aunt Rosie . he learned  how to read and write and was good with numbers. He was self taught  He liked to read books of natural medicine,  news papers,  he  read the bible, his first cousin Tia Isabel Martinez (Toto), lived in Buenos Aires an at his request will buy books for him in the bookstores in Buenos Aires of all sort of topics, from chemistry, alquemist, the ocult,the mistics, natural medicine, minerilogia, and geographie maps of the topographie of the mountains of Cordoba, San Luis, La Rioja,  We sent to him books of Yogananda, Chinese medicine and pressure points, natural healing, and meditations.and life of the hindues saints in the Himalaya. He  read the bible from the begining to the end,  he was a searcher for knowledge. He use to say that "knwledge does not take Space" and that is "Better to know than not to know". My father also said that knowledge was free. That we learn by experience and by god.

My father gave a sense of peace. he did not drink.

He quit smoking when he felt that is damaging to his well being. He was   

How he learned.

 He learned by reading books, listening to what other people has to say, looking, doing, undoing  and by trusting his instincts and insights .  He worked all his life since was a chield . He pitied the children who have to work and could not play with other children,

 At the age of 12 he worked in the fields in the southern part of a province of Cordoba in the pampas sowing  and  harvesting wheat. he was the young of all the hired help. He talked of the working day and night , hard labor for a chield, the day of rest came when it was raining. the night were cold and the days were hot  

.he liked to go wondering  in the fields  hunting  birds and games. building traps with tall oil cans to catch armadillos, the skills of aiming at the target  pelting birds on fly, binging them down. and rosting the pray on a fire pit. He talked that the land of owned by a German landowner who also have owned a tractor to till the soil and cut the grass. My father had delight in relating the stories to us his children inspiring all us to love nature and the land

 wild life and the flat land of the pampas and the silence and the windy days and night . he spoke of the inhabitants of the poor people  of Argentina that lived in the country side, of the poor children with no much to eat, and wraped in rags. 

My father gave the impresion that he kew more than other people  including my mother any thing that was broken he will fixed it, he will find the way how to go about. He will work on things like an engine of a car, or a motor of a refrigerator, until he made it work. he will take it apart and place each part orderly next to each other. he had an inventive mind. a creative mind. 

He talked about working for the cuartel a military base in the town Rio Cuarto  where he was born, he did not want my brothers to be in the military or to became priest. He used to say that he has worked all his life. During the summer my mother wanted us to get up early and start helping around the house, my father will say let them sleep , they will be time when they have to get up early. My father gave value to every thing. when he saw a peny in the ground he will pick it up. when he saw a button on the ground he will picked up and said to us that there was ten cents on the floor. when he saw a copper  wire he will save it, a rope he will save it later he will find uses for it..

My father and his older cousin tarted to work together as a partner , they were supporting his cousin mother and youger brothers . Their father have died and when alive has not been a good provider.  

ofwhom worked together to support a the family of mand they had some kind of business going . when my uncle and father got together they seem to have a lot of love for each other , they were close

kind of a drunk and negleted the   family a brother of hi   

 on the beleive that we have to learn by experience, he belived in rest  and he belived in no intimidation. he wanted us tol learn and play and be let to sleep that we learn by playing. he give us a lot of love for he belive that a happy childhood will make us strong later on in life. My father was a beliver in  experiencing  God.  he believed in the power of God  leived in the power of God and through finding God  life can be lived in peace.     

we have a lot of trees and the mountains and open spaces and neighbors dogs and children life moved like the water in the river following its course.

.We lived in an old  brick house wich I very good memories of the big trees that lined on the side walk ,called paraisos, in the spring the branches will be coveded with thick foliage , they had a purlple flower that like lilacs. In the summer our house was cool because of the shade from the trees. the side walk was raised a foot about the street level, water will be released from the town to water people loans and the trees on the streets , I used to cool off my feet and watch the water go around my feet and go through my toes and move along in its course. 

threand wit[a they g flowers ii  .working out thoughts  have been a passtime.

 A thought will come to my mind such as while  looking at a stick of butter which was on the kitchen table and wonder how it will be possible to divide the stick into very very small parts. I understood then the numeros quebrados and what they represented. fractions of the whole. At another time a thought came about the the symbol used in the root square of a number. I liked the symbol and went to learn more about what it means the root square of a number. An other thought I remember thinking about was the number sets again I did like the circles representing the set and the elements and the one I really liked was the union of the sets with elements that have something in common.

It comes to my mind times when in high schools an before when at the age of nine or ten I became aware how beautifull the writning of my mother was and I proceded to copy the shape of the letters , the one I like it was the letter A , H , m, Z, G, Y, in manuscrit. they looked very orderly and well formed in my mothers manuscrit .My teacher was sorprised when she saw my note book with a writing that appeared was not mine. She was sorprised she said to my mother to see how it it possible that I have a poor writing and overnight I have a beautiful writing.  

r this    

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At the Boston public library I was reading a text book for my college freshman  class on economics on supply and demand , the graphic charts showed the horizontal line and the vertical lines and the curves. Supply and Demand was a thing I heard but I have yet to understand what more. I had a donut and hot chocolate at the Dunking Donut Cafe, it was in the afternoon in the New England during the fall. the air was chill, I was learning english Reading about supply and demand elevated me , I transcended time and space, I thought I understood every thing it was  magic I had a spark. the inteligence opened up.

 It was a spark of intleligence that went of leaving some details to remember and look forward to have the same experience as it came did it go.apper and desapper.retention was very fragmented.tm was making me aware the way I learn.Thoughts will come as who are the owner of large buildings and clothing stores whom appeared that they have been always there manifested on their own with  no particular owner . some thought were more pictorial than sound of my voice I will see  that all the tvs sets that existed will be thrown out in a huge pileas garbage. At Northeastern my teacher who worked at Rayteon said he was proud of his company,He said he did not know how rayteon made the money, they were a sucessfull company the employees new about the company making deals though the local news paper,employees were not informed. In the news said that Rayteon has signed a contract with Mexico goverment to sell missilles. Mexico is poor  is in debt I said. the teacher could not answer to my statement. I heard from the teacher that in the economy it has to follow a formula that a men from England has discovered that to keep the wages from climbing in a capitalistic system the unemployment has to be higher to maintain the level of balance.   

  The economy was based on supply. and example was said about aking from iran that he ordered his ourtiers to find a material that will not brake to make a plate. to last for ever they came up with stain steel. In western countries they beleive to make the products that brake and be replaced often and to produced in mass  quantities at very low cost ..to buy and dispose it keep a healthy economy it fit the formula in balance.  

During the oil crisis in the 1973 to make smaller cars was no possible and to make less cars was no possible the car companies were a big indusatry and employed a lot of people there was no possible to save oil the healthy economy was in cunsumption not on shortening .   

During the oil crisis

New York was bankrupt , the arabs have the money they can sell NY to them. that was not possible the American are the buyers of bankrupt companies not the other way around a foreing like the arabs buying New York .The Pavlov experiment of the dog salivation at the ringing of the bell model by involuntary reflexion.

 in a model of the salivation the pavlov experiment.. done by a monk and a boy... punishment and obedience...discipline response.  

 to see something of value that I can market to the public to sell and have money so we can suport owerselves before we run out of money.

we have the studio, charles knows how to work the softwares to have a web page, and we can market the card via the internet. I can make card and humourous drawing, Charles knows how to write we can put quotes in the cards of our own experiences.

Questions come to me as can we do anything together Charles and I ?.

Why I am here in the usa ?

what cosmic thought do I think brought me here?    

 would I want to leave this country things can get done easier here than elsewhere the mentality is diferent, the tools are available, there is more oportunities to market products here people are use to buy  

 The issue at these time is

using the energy ito make the mind work  mind  the mind to work , the inteligence to work, put the creativity to work , put the body to work, put the senses to work, the awarness to work ,  the gene to work. the spirit to work, the gene. is like having a orquestra and need the director to direct which instrument is to be played and which instrument is to be heard as solo, or which one are quiet and how do they merge and blend to not offend or offset any one.( this very important)

. I feel the cards is getting me close to have the orquestra and me the director. is a medium. to manifest the unmanifest.

What I have been doing  what instruments do I have to play. learning the basic of finding information on the internet, the use of tripod to give idea on web page desing, have i been learning. speaking the language, writing in english, reading poems an looking for words of wisdom, the manigest of the spirit, writing dreams , taping speech, listening to my speech,  toastmasters , went to bill tiple, mointerpretation of dreams, while spleeping, discovering me,getting confidence in me working toward interacting better with people on the phone and in person, to make peple to feel good and apreciated.( need to work in manerisms, I  learn from inside out, and it needs to be retooled to interact with people. I have been noticing that people are noticing me I stand out , they smile at me, the children , the elderly, the youth, not so much people close to my age. ocationaly but not consistently.

iood working on the garden, fixing the trailer, catoons caracters, sharpening the perceptions, eating to feed the spirit, eating to be in balance to see through and understand.

Do we need each other or are we canceling each othe out.Charles has and is  help me at many levels he is my genious. The dome should be a natural thing that is not taking all the time , is like taking shower a short one and get going, there is no need for long time the energy should be put toward building something we can get money for . Maharishi said that heaven on earth depend on money now. in the movement are working toward getting money, donations , investing with the rich we have to do the same. get the money.   

things we need to do right now.

get the computer to the studio. this will give me a chance to be outside the house, in a dry place. to have the studio is very important. to get there in the morning when is not cold is , I have to get there every day. for a few house, for many hours I have to be there. 

work on the web page, design that we can sell via the internet, scan the pictures I have done to create cards. and pictures. learn to use the fotoshop software, need to get a color printer.

Can I do the same thing in Argentina get a computer and use the phone conect to the internet I might not have the mind set, the resorces available like the library, people to talk how to do it. Is best that I go and visit for a few days and come back.

How to justify the time here. while we have the money to pay the rent we can be here when we run out of money we have to work for slave jobs for room and board and stippen and be in the air when we can not longer can work. be under other peo[ple creativity and inexperiencess is not easy, be undersome umbrela is not easy , it is easy to develop under our own umbrella.

we have the software, we have the book, we have the art and trhough  the cards can be an instrument to reach out. 

there is no pension for me here. we have to find out what we have to do to get something for my case and charles case.

In the studio we have been building it up. there is a coffe pot, a toaster, a refrigerator, good light , curtains, is clean , has heat and cool in the summer. we do not have to be afraid that the rent will incerase we are here to make money .

Getting the car is to much energy consuming. take insurance, maintenance, car payments, cleaning it the snow, the people driving unsafe. It is easy to pay someone that can takes us there when we can not walk there. the walk is where creativity expands.the car is not an issue.

The house humidity, the studio is dry, that is where I want to spend most of the time. Buying a house will eat all the money we have now. we have to bring money in a buy the house. something that we can be close and not in the middle of no where. the barking dogs, the mowers in the summer , the barbeque, the noise at night of the neighbors , and the unsafe, the noise of the train... in the park we have the quiet and is close to every thing and quiet.