Using the mind

at times if feel that I am living the life of a 85 year old woman. I am much younger than that   I do not want to feel I retired. I want to continue using my mind.

When I finish and out of high school I exercised my mind I remember one exercise that kept me busy for a while because I will not let it go and I look at it from different perspectives until I could longer possible think and let it go One particular one I remember was what it will be like if a stick of butter was divided into many part until it can not longer be divided.

I became aware of the division of a number and the name given to this numbers as decimals and represented by a slash 1/10. I have been using numbers I did not understand why this kind of mathematics. For me add and substract and division were enough. I pictured the stick of butter being divided into ten parts and then up to infinity when it can not longer be divided. I worked for several days at this exercise and I got the feeling that I did not arrive at the end , the idea that it can not be divided was not satisfied it appears to me that it will always be divided , that the infinity will keep on for ever..

At times I thought I understood about no division. When I was 13 on the first grade of high school I heard of the value of the number one , that one was equal to one .

The corollary One is equal to One . When I heard about the empty set in a more advanced class of math I felt happy to hear about the Empty Set. The null set , the empty set, I did like this concept. I felt I was very close to understand something. In class and outside the school around my classmates I will pick up here and there what they have to say about the empty set. Null set. The Russian had come up with the new math the were saying and they talked about sets of numbers, the join sets the independant sets I enjoyed drawing the circles and making them meet three circles meeting , where the three meet I enjoyed the most. There was some beauty and true in the this new union . I heard a class mate, she was a church goer and she was the favorite of the nuns she like to attend mass in the early morning before class, and like to pray , she liked to talk about God. Her father has died when she was very young and was brought up by her widow mother along with three sybilling when she talked I liked to listen she seemed to be ahead in her thinking and she will postulate questions If a person was an atheist , it has no believe in god but it did have a believe that there was no God. Or she will talk about the null set , the fact that was called the null set is because it existed. .she die in late twenties there were some obscure reasons she committed suicide. She was a law student at that time...

At 16 years of age I felt happy with this feeling of being together and that I can think I have confidence on myself to do things or projects on my own just by finding the way how to do it by figuering out , looking around for ideas, looking for details , definitly my mind was set into gears.

Slowly I will work my way out at times I felt stack not knowing how to do it or what is next but I tried many times this way knowing that it will not give me the results I was looking for but I did not stop from trying By them I have formulated a question in my mind if I do it this way I get this reuslts then take a chance and do it other way by adding a third element , something new

this exercise opened new horizons , and I took it from there on. I will say a corollary , and empty set where all the possibilities I knew have been exausted what was next.

Other exciercise I remember doing it like a game at siesta time when it was very hot outside and the quiet time , nothing was moving complete silence it came natural l by laying down there steering at the ceiling in the room the mind felt free no thought, no nothing , no forcing , looking at the beams on the ceiling and a water lick stain on the ceiling that every time it rained the paint pilled off and the watercolor images will look like trees , birds, sand dunes or people la mancha de humedad. In the same spot near the corner of the room at

. At night I will close my eyes before going to sleep I recall two images that came to my mind one a skinny figure and the other a large heavy one , side by side in white they did not look like ghost they were like sculptured figures . They did not say any thing they will come up and then I did not keep my thinking on them they will be gone.. When I closed my eyes and I did not see them at other times I will purposely look to see them and sometimes they appear and sometimes did not. I found this to be an exercise for my mind. I keep this game of mind a thought. I remember around this time a thought came to my mind at night of dying . I was about of 12 it never has occur to me that I could die at until now. I was afraid in the dark thinking that I will not be able to see if I die. I heard a voice from with in me , as I use to see the inside of me like if I was inside a room it was lit up . Inside of me I saw the two figuers, inside of me I will see light and inside of me I will se other things I do not remember the shapes but I think was more in the feeling of motion. Laying dawn at night in the dark it was fun for me , I look to see inside of me , when the thought came of me being in total darkness I got scare and I remember I heard a voice I do not know it it was the first time or I had hear this voice before , the voice said open your eyes and you will see. Or keep your eyes open and you will see. This technique of seeing inside of me worked I used a couple of time.During the day sometime I had this urge to see inside of me , but it was the afternoon not quite night yet , I needed the dark. I found myself surounded by many interruption of activity going on in the house with my brother and sisters there all the time.

I found a way to hide behind a bedroom door and the dark got me close to feel I was alone and in company .I thought I was talking to god which I could not because my sisters will be asking what was I doing hiding behind the door and she started to spy on me. this technique gave me a good feeling of being alone with me and supposedly with God. The empty set occupied my mind. At home during exam times I will get up early in the morning to study before going to class. It was about spring time . I found that there was so much beauty around me the trees in bloom the birds singing the fresh air of the morning, the sun coming up, there was a splendor in the mornings that what I have to read in the book was so distracting and there was greater joy in being in there in the early morning . I could not read or remember what I read . The book was so uninterested. But I kept the motion of reading and nothing seemed to go through. I was waking up to a dawn .I was charged with new energy. There was all magic around me. I find ways to focus in my studies I will use charts , itineraries and this system worked I got good grades that will pazles the teachers thinking that I have cheated but they proved to be that I did not cheat. In a civic subject I had to study several chapters of civic studies , the teacher was an old woman ,one of the founder families of the school dona Matilde said I thought you have cheated but when comparing notes I see that you did not. she was puzzled of my accomplishments. In math I have good grades, I had a classmate whom her parents hire a tutor so she con have good grades in math , I was allowed to attend the same tutor so I got lessons for free and I got good grades in math in solving ecuations the finding of the x and y the findings of the unknown value. It was fun for me and I will spend many hours trying to memorize the mechanics or how the formula worked I got to like the x and Y and the unknown..

When I was 12 the last year of elementary school I had a teacher a nun Seur Gonzales. She I think noticed something special about me.,she got to like me in her way. She was not a good looking woman rather unhappy in her look she was a good teacher the mothers of the student use to say. One time She saw how I had painted with gold ink on some paper cut drawings of the vestments of the priesthood. I displayed them it in front of her without saying any word I came late that day to the class , she pretended that it did not noticed , she say nothing about me being late., she game ten points the highest grade in religion studies. She took me to seat at her desk by the side.. I think because I could not see from distance or she wanted to watch me close or feel something some special inclination for spirituality. I could not say she liked me because I was a good student because I was not , she never showed she liked any one in particular , she will smile when the students will bring from their home a grapefruits as a present she was almost the same with any one. Later on I got to appreciate her more and more and it puzzled me to know what was that she saw in me. Being next to her I could see the list of students in her registry and the grades of the students. When she picked up the note book to call students to come up front to give the lesson for the day, I noticed that she will call the people at the top of the list in the at the beginning of the semestre, then the last ones in the middle of the semestre the ones at the bottom of the list will be called at the very end of the semestre my name was in the last one in the list where she always had her thumb when holding the booklet the thumb will cover my name so I was one of the last to be called , it was predictable when she will be calling me so I study very well and I got good grades. This technique I applied later on with other teachers in subsequents grades schools it always worked but one a teacher said let start with the names that are at the bottom of the list , her thumb was on my name she called the one previous to my name. I was safe.

When I was about 16 years of age or perhaps a little older I saw in a magazine the drawing of hands and palm reading. It showed the different lines and their names I was very interested in looking at the drawing of the line and find them in my hand. The right hand and the left hand had different lines . The line of the heart around the thumb, it can tell this and that. A little line on the side of the palm meant that I was going to get married I found the line I was happy to know that I was going to get married , then the lines of children , it was a short line , it appear that maybe I will have children, or maybe not In the afternoon I will get the magazine and read more about palm reading then I will tell my classmates that I could read their palm lines. It was one way to amuse myself and have fun it was a playful game I have found . I got to read the palm at different times.